Bas Grolleman’s Blog

Place where I put my written thoughts, though I usually just make video’s these days

Setting expectations is hard enough in long running relationships. But it’s even more tricky when meeting someone new. Asking if there are plans for a long term commitment on the first date might be a bit forward. But wait to long and people start having their own ideas that might not match up. With monogamy it seems a bit easier because there is a known path you can walk. But even there people can have very different ideas.
It’s impossible to expect what a future partner might like, so work on your own view. Make sure to focus on what type of relationship you are looking for and not how the other partner should be. Are you looking long or short term. Plan to go on holidays much or stay in. What will make you happy isn’t in the color of their eyes.
As a polyamorous person I meet people that stay only till they find a monogamous person. In my case people were very upfront about it so I could expect that moment. But I also realised that I want something more long term. Dating is fun, but also costs a lot of energy. 
So for me one of the first things I work towards now is how people view a relationship with me. As something fun for right now or as something that when it feels right will last much longer. And I can adjust my commitment. Keeping both me and partners happy.